The set up of the blog is a bit different today. I'm tinkering and fine tuning. Trying to find what feels right.
Friday evening, when I sat down to do my Saturday 9 post and visit everyone's blogs and comment, I just couldn't muster any enthusiasm or bear the thought of all the time it takes to visit and comment on everyone's post. Not one little bit. Surely there are better ways to spend my time?
I was actually on the verge of deleting the blog and calling it quits. I've been blogging in one form or another for 20 years! I don't know the exact date, but the anniversary is somewhere within a few weeks of today, give or take.
I've blogged (on that very first blog) to keep the youth group I was leading at the time updated on activities. I've blogged to connect with others in youth ministry. I've blogged to get through some of the hardest periods of my life. I've blogged to share some of the happiest times. I've blogged by name. I've blogged anonymously. I've blogged when no one read what I wrote and I blogged when lots of people liked what I wrote. I've blogged of deeper things and of shallow fluff. I've blogged about godly things and some not so godly things. I've blogged meme after meme.
In all that blogging what I don't feel like I've ever found is my true voice. Oh, there have been hints of it here and there, but I have been all over the place. I think I have bloggers ADHD. My blogs serve a purpose for a while, but then just sort of fade away. I have tended to change blogs each time my life changed direction, my circumstances changed, or when I got bored.
I long to be one of the big time bloggers, one of the popular girls, with hundreds or even thousands of followers, but unless the Lord's got a plan I don't know about, that's not me. I'm too scattered to pull it all together and keep it there. Plus, if I'm honest, as an introvert the sheer effort of maintaining that kind of community would completely overwhelm me.
As I sat there staring at the screen, thinking about walking away, I kept thinking about how much I would miss it...miss the friends I have made and know only through blogging and Facebook. I would miss having a place to share my thoughts and life and get wonderful encouragement and advice.
I can't delete the blog and I can't walk away. I am thinking and praying about ways to change it.
- The memes probably have to go. I'm terribly compulsive about them. I could do a meme, but I don't HAVE to.
- I need to stop trying to be one of the cool girls and just be me. Dorky, nerdy, ME!
- I don't need to post every day.
- I do need to post only about what I am passionate about
- politics (maybe)
Prayer Request: I'm posting this Sunday evening because I have to be at my daughter's at 7:00 tomorrow morning to stay with the grandchildren. She is having a large, infected cyst removed from her breast. Please say a prayer they can get it all out and that it can be closed and not have to heal as an open wound. It would be much appreciated.
**UPDATE** Megan's surgery went well and she is home. The wound is stitched shut on the inside and glued on the outside. It's about 3-inches long. She's sleeping and I still have the kids with me and will until their daddy wakes up (he works midnight shift). Then I'm not sure what will happen. She is not supposed to be alone for 24 hours so either my mom or I will have to spend the night at her house, I guess.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. That's one health issue off her long list.